A letter to my younger self

Hey there,

I see you. You feel like a half-formed thing, but you’re all there: sparkle and triumph and glory. You just don’t see it yet. You see, I have walked the path you’re about to tread. It’s a marvelous journey but there are a few difficult sections on the trail. If I could go back and be you again, here’s what I would want to know.

Fear: You will feel this, often. Fear of judgment. Fear of mistakes. Fear of the unknown. What if I told you that even though you are fearful of these things, they will still happen? You will still be judged by others, no matter what you do. You will still trip and fall, no matter how carefully you step. You will still need to face the unknown if you ever want to feel something new. Fear is not the enemy, dear one, but paralysis. Fear is the signpost for opportunity and adventure; it is to be embraced. If you feel fear, the chances are you are on the verge of greatness.

Thoughts: The constant buzzing in your head is part of you but is not you. There are some thoughts happening in there that are deeply flawed and inaccurate. The voice that you hear, seeding doubt and distrust? Do not listen to it as it does not offer wise counsel. Go beyond the whisperings of your mind and tune into the deep knowing of your being. Tune into your soul truths by allowing yourself to sit back and see the sky of your mind beyond the clouds of your thoughts. Make time for this every day; it takes time to develop.

Vulnerability: Your walls have been built tall and strong, but let me show you another way. Hiding beyond a mask of “I’m fine” and “I can do this alone” is hurting nobody but yourself. You see, I know the betrayal you have suffered. The failings of those who have let you down are no reflection of your worth or value, nor are they a measure of the reliability of everyone else. Let others help you and allow them to see the real you. You do not have to do this all alone to be considered strong.

Voice: All your life you have been silenced by those who should have been listening. They were not ready to hear but that doesn’t mean you should not be heard. You have ideas and jokes and stories to share. You have a voice that advocates for others and shines a light on new pathways. Let your voice be heard. Speak your truth and do not let anyone shout you down. Whisper at first if you must, but do not be silent.

Healing: Know that healing is a destinationless journey. It is without end and will never be finished, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth your while. Progress is all that matters in life and making steps towards being better, doing better, feeling better is the whole point. Reach deep within yourself and bring out those burning hot coals, one by one. Examine them, accept them, and put them down. Also please know that forgiveness of others is not always possible and that healing is possible even in its absence. All you need to do is forgive yourself.

You are a beautiful soul with much to offer this world. Don’t deny yourself the chance to shine. Walk your path with these words in mind and maybe on the other side you will be able to reach back and offer counsel of your own. Go well.

Published in Centered on Taipei March 2023.