On the road: Covid confessions

The world is a very weird place right now and there’s a lot of uncertainty. I typically don’t do so well with uncertainty as I am a wee control freak at heart and I like to have both a plan and a back-up plan. Right now, this annoying little cell-invader has got us all in a spin and plans are about as useful as single-ply loo roll.

But for all the uncertainty and all the awfulness… can I tell you a secret? I’m kind of quietly delighted that we are being told to stay home and slow down. The introvert in me is doing a (very awkward) dance of delight that finally there is a government-sanctioned order to do nothing much. You see, one of my struggles is that I am terrified of being accused of laziness. Being seen as lazy, unproductive, or generally useless is one of my biggest fears, and to be honest, it’s been really bad for me.

At the end of the day, although my brain seems to have boundless ideas and creativity to spare, my physical body just isn’t wired to keep up. I have a body that needs more sleep than average, feels pain more acutely than most, and has a tendency to punish my brain’s overblown ideas of what we “should” be doing with getting sick. Furthermore, I don’t really have the emotional disposition to keep up with my brain’s high-falutin’ plans either. As an empath, I get super drained by being around too many people for too long and my emotional cup tends to get emptied a lot faster than I wish it did.

Welcome to my inner paradox. My brain is go go go, and the rest of me just wants to hibernate and nap. It’s a super annoying combination, especially when paired with the fear of being seen as lazy.

That being said, I think we have found a solution. My brain appears to be appeased by the fact that the Prime Minister herself has told us that we should stay home, so for once in my life, my brain, body and emotions are all in sync. They all agree that the best thing to do is to sit down, read, and spend time on being creative while drinking litres of tea. To call it a huge relief would be an understatement - the “should monsters” in my head are finally telling that me I should be doing something I actually want to do.

I know that a lot of extroverts out there will be finding social distancing pretty hard, but I would like to make a small point if I could. Living in this stay-at-home world as an extrovert is sort of like us introverts being forced to live in the get-out-and-hustle world. The normal world favours extroversion and energy. It listens to loud and rewards overworking. It’s a relief to have the world try to do things the quiet way for once.

Hopefully, once this is all over, we can work out a way where both extroversion and introversion are equally valued. But until then, for those of us who are able, it’s time to snuggle up on the couch in your jim-jams with the 86th cuppa of the day and just enjoy the peace and quiet that this moment is affording us.

For those of you who are still out there on the front lines, providing essential services… we salute and thank you. Without you, there would be no possible peace for the rest of us.