Auckland anxiety
Let me just start by saying that I love Auckland city. It has its flaws and its traffic jams, but I think it’s a really great place to live. Moreover, the majority of the people that I love are here. We have a great house in a cool suburb, close to a dog-friendly beach. I love my garden. There’s so much to enjoy here.
So why the hell am I so titchy here? Ever since we came back up to Auckland, my anxiety levels have shot through the roof and I’m as crabby as a bear with a sore head. It feels like there is a pit of disquiet in my inner being that is just not happy about being here. I want to figure out why so that future visits back won’t feel so claustrophobic and especially for once we get back from this year off, so this whole exercise wasn’t all for naught.
Here’s a few theories I am mulling over.
1: Start of the school year vibes
It’s the start of the new school year and everywhere I go, I’m bombarded with brightly coloured ads exhorting me to GET READY. I went into Countdown to get milk and bread, and was gripped by the illogical desire to buy up 10 pads of refill for the year ahead. It’s kind of odd being around school going back, especially the school I teach at, while being off for the year.
2: Old habits die hard, so wellness suffers
Being in the van has really got us to nail down some of our self-care and wellness routines. We have been eating loads more veges, planning our meals, walking every day, and spending time in nature. Now that we have been back in Auckland for a week, and being at “home”, we have slipped straight back into old (bad) habits. It’s definitely something I am going to be more mindful of once we return.
3: Empath issues
I’m an empath, and so I pick up on the energy of those around me. If I’m around a bunch of stressed people, I feel anxious. If I am around angry people, I feel irritable. Having just come from a more rural lifestyle over the first five weeks, I think it’s fair to say that being in Auckland around the stress, hustle and bustle of city life has been overwhelming. I’m not really sure how to address this one, but I’m open to advice (that isn’t “just leave”!)
4: It’s too damn hot
My optimal operating temperature is somewhere in the range of 10 - 20 degrees Celsius. I sleep best with the windows open, and a cool breeze circulating in the room. I’d far rather be too cold than too hot. So, as you might imagine, coming from the cooler climes of further South, we have had a bit of a shock coming back to Auckland turned up to “FRY ALL THE PEOPLE”. My sleep has suffered as a result and when I don’t sleep, my well-being is impacted.
5: Driving here sucks balls
Sounds like a trip down a well-worn track but there’s an awful lot of aggression and “me first” out there on Auckland roads. The inability of some people to just chill, merge like a zip and not swerve from lane to lane like a maniac makes driving around super stressful, and also impacts my faith in humanity somewhat. Whatever happened to just being nice?
At the end of the day, there’s just something that’s going on right now which means Auckland and I aren’t jiving. Maybe it’s one of the theories; more likely it’s all of them combined. I just hope I can find a way to work around these roadblocks once we come back at the end of this year.
